Friendship amid ferocious competition: What angry America could learn from the BYU-Utah rivalry

Next week is finally the resolution everyone’s been waiting for, with tensions high in anticipation of an epic clash that will determine so much that comes afterwards.
We’re talking about the BYU v. Utah football game, of course. With so much at stake — BYU has a shot at playing in the College Football Playoffs if their undefeated season continues — passions are especially high. That’s not out of the normal for this rivalry game, however, as anyone in the state for the last century can attest.
This storied rivalry is actually 128 years old, dating back to an inaugural match in 1896, 30 years after the Civl War (and 23 years after the oldest Yale-Princeton college football rivalry began). BYU’s football squad will be visiting Utah’s Rice-Eccles stadium next Saturday for the first time since 2018 (2019 and 2021 were in Provo, 2020 was a COVID-19 cancellation and in 2022-23, Florida took the spot in Utah’s football schedule).
No one in the sporting world would bat an eye if the two coaches leveraged this week mostly to flex their confident determination to win, maybe with a little trash talking along the way. But something very different is taking place. Coming the same week as a brutal presidential election, it’s almost surreal to witness the countercultural affectionate “vibe” from presidents, coaches and alumni leaders at the schools.
“I have a lot of love for that program (Utah) and for people there,” said BYU Coach Kalani Sitake at a media briefing Monday — expressing gratitude for his close friend Kyle Whittingham and his eight years on the Utah coaching staff there.
“If it weren’t for Utah, I wouldn’t be here. And if it weren’t for BYU, coach Whit wouldn’t be at Utah” (Whittingham played football for BYU between 1978 and 1981). Such warmth between rival coaches is not new, continuing a tradition set by LaVell Edwards and Ron McBride in the 1990s.
A joint message about “right rivalry” from Presidents Taylor Randall and Shane Reese accentuated the message on a website encouraging fans on both sides, “don’t let competition get in the way of your common humanity.”
More than just kind words, however, these coaches and presidents are joining alumni and student leaders in an effort to channel some of the passion of their fanbases into gathering funds and food for families in need this holiday.
Whereas in the past schools rallied students to beat the other school in donations, this year “it’s not really a competition,” says Kris Bosman, Chief Alumni Relations Officer for the University of Utah. “We’ll leave the competition on the field right now. We’re just trying to do something amazing together.”
That much was clear at a press conference Friday, complete with side-by-side displays of mascots, Cosmo and Swoop; and representatives from both respective cheer/spirit squads and each school’s student sections — Utah’s MUSS (Mighty Utah Student Section) and BYU’s ROC (Roar of Cougars). Alumni organizations have been centrally involved, along with students at both schools, including the Student Alumni Board (SAB) at the U.
The tradition of a food drive during football season goes back over 30 years — with one of the state’s oldest non-profits, the Utah Food Bank, fighting hunger as long as the Utah v. BYU football rivalry (120 years). They do this through a network of 270 partner agencies, including emergency food pantries, rehab facilities, shelters, school pantries and congregate feeding sites such as soup kitchens.
“The spirit of philanthropy is so strong in Utah,” says Bosman. “It’s not just strong at BYU or at the University of Utah; it’s strong in the whole state — this is a huge part of our culture.”
Community Action Services and Food Bank in Provo and Smith’s Food are also partners in the initiative, with food donations accepted at football game entrances and 10 Smith’s locations between Salt Lake and Provo, beginning Saturday, Nov. 2 until Nov. 27, the day before Thanksgiving (more details here on how to contribute food and money).
“This is a small way that we can leverage the passion of our friends and fans toward a real need in our community,” says Michael Johanson, Director of BYU Alumni Services — speaking with enthusiasm during the interview at what the 800K alumni and many more fans between the two schools could accomplish together. Cougar fans were in the news recently for donating $40K in 950 donations at an earlier game to the high school teacher of Kansas State quarterback Avery Johnson, who is fighting Stage 4 cancer.
“The fan bases of these two schools have immense power to do good,” says Heidi Cannella, communications director for the Utah Food Bank — emphasizing that 1 in 6 Utah children are at risk of missing a meal today.
“We won’t say who we are rooting for on game day,” adds Ginette Bott, Utah Food Bank President & CEO, diplomatically. “But in the end, everyone wins when we come together to fight hunger statewide.”
“We’re going to let Kyle and Kalani take care of what happens on the field,” Johanson says. “And we’re going to fight a real issue of food security facing our common friends and fans.”
In addition to fighting hunger, Johanson emphasizes the broader effort to “create an environment of more care and kindness than crass/chaos; more peace than persecution.”
The Cougars have made headlines across the nation for their efforts to intertwine tailgating with service projects each time they visit campuses. Visiting students also get treated to ice cream at BYU’s stadium and hearing their fight song played.
“That was one of the weirdest environments I’ve been a part of,” said Avery, the visiting Kansas State quarterback. “Most of the time the fans try to heckle you or say bad things about you before the game. But all their fans were encouraging,” he said — describing how many were saying “Keep your heads up” afterwards.
“Fans don’t say that after the game, especially after they beat you like that … I probably won’t experience something like that again.”
Sports have historically been a unique venue to channel competitive fire into something collegial and cooperative. Anthropologists have long examined how sports provide an alternative to war, acting as something of a safety valve wherein men and women can battle each other vigorously, then shake hands afterwards.
But in recent years, athletic institutions (like virtually every other institution) have been tested and stretched by mounting tensions across the country and world — increasingly pulled into the same dynamics of protest and political anger.
Given that context, to see leaders connected to sports stand up and proactively model a better way is refreshing. This unique vibe between otherwise fierce rivals hearkens to what Charles Randall Paul calls “trustworthy rivals” in the social arena, involving people who engage “in respectful contestation with a goal of living in continual peaceful tension.”
“We’re going to Rival Right,” Johanson says at the press conference. “And we’re just getting started.”
The pandemic ruptured the food drive tradition as much as football schedules. But during that time, the desire of these universities to work together continued — with the schools’ respective alumni organizations meeting in the middle, social distancing at a park in Draper, to discuss ways to synergize and learn from each other.
This continues now, but as “more of a philosophy of meeting in the middle and recognizing the strengths of our combined organizations,” Johanson explains. “It’s been a super fun journey for me.”
Both alumni directors highlight in talking with the Deseret News how keenly they are now aware of far more common ground among their alums than “that which divides them,” as Bosman puts it, including the “team we cheer for.” And building on that common ground, Johanson says, “can heal a lot of the fragmentation that exists.”
“There is so much good,” he adds. “We’re looking forward, certainly with an eye of positivity and optimism and joint effort.”
Conscious of how naive that may sound in our angry era, Johanson adds, “it sounds like we’re wearing rose colored glasses, but I’ll tell you, we need more people wearing rose colored glasses in this world.”
“‘Alma mater’ means ‘my mother,’ right?” says Bosman, highlighting the sense many graduating students take away that “this is your family. That is your home” — an educational institution where an important part of “your life began.”
“The idea that we’re part of a larger family is super critical,” Johanson agrees. “Just remember we’re all closely related and we’re all connected,” Coach Sitake says, discussing in his press conference how many Utah graduates (Jay Hill, Sione Pouha) and former Utah coaching staff (he and BYU offensive coordinator Aaron Roderick) are now coaching at BYU.
With Sitake’s family members also happy alums of both schools, he adds, “I know there are a lot of families that are split when it comes to this rivalry, which makes it even more fun. I’m just looking forward to it.”
While enjoying the “rivalry on the field,” Sitake expresses hope that we “can show a bit more appreciation for each other as we go through this game.”
Mark Newman contributed to the reporting.